guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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