whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize