1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
