I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sext me about skeletons
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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