it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I am naked and annoyed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
