i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
