I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
