All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
