Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
