i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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