How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
