I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
we should paint friendship bongs
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