I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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