Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
