Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
