My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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