he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
