How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am spending my child support on dildos
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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