we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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