Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
