a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
