there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
