If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
