duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
