I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
