Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
