I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
