suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
