I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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