My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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