fuck your aforementioned shoe
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
