he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
