Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
should my penis look like a turkey
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
