And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
