At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
