He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
