I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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