you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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