I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
