Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize