So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
