I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
