just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
