Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
