You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
