If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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