I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
