I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
