5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize