that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
