I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
