i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
