he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
