By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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