I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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