she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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