I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize