this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
