Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize