areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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