Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
