I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
