Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
