Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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