He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
