yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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